I like to practice a spiritual exercise in which I imagine God standing before me and the evil one behind me, with my eyes, heart and mind all fixed on God. Each morning, I am given a bouquet of flowers to place, one by one, either at the feet of God or at the evil one—based on my attitude, intentions, or actions throughout the day.
My day usually begins well-ordered: I offer my flowers to God in prayer, in setting my intentions and in simple acts for others. But often, my day quickly declines—when I am asked to do something I don’t prefer, encounter someone difficult or when circumstances hijack my plans. With my back to God, in one swift motion, it’s flower… flower… flower at the feet of the evil one, as I complain, judge, dig in my heels, engage in mental battles or give a lukewarm effort—all before noon.
One of my most slippery slopes is dealing with people who do not readily show me the face of God. I respond well to those who exhibit kindness, compassion, tenderness, lightheartedness, responsibility and motivation toward good. I long to emulate them, cultivating space in my heart where these tendencies can grow. I pray for God’s grace to nourish that fertile ground. In a sense, I imagine they are handing the Christ in me their flowers, and I, in turn, offer my flowers to God in my intention to be more Christ-like.
But when I encounter someone who is arrogant, haughty, mean or victim-minded, my first reaction is rarely to see the face of God. I hand not just one flower, but my whole bouquet, to the evil one. Eventually, I realize that Christ is indeed present there, hidden beneath the hurt—but it’s easy to overlook the sweetness that can be nurtured within them. And yes, sometimes I am that person!
Advancing in the spiritual life requires honest assessment of my interior disposition to identify where I need God’s help. I rely on a quick review of my attitudes, ideas, intentions and actions to guide my prayer, so I can ask specifically for the grace I need to counteract knee-jerk reactions that lead me astray. I ask myself:
• Did I do the right thing? Was I seeing through the eyes of God?
• Did I act for the right reason? Was I being self-serving, feeding a disordered tendency or intending the good of the other?
• Did I act at the right time? Or was I impulsive, hurried or unable to withstand the tension the situation created?
• Did I use the right means? Did I manipulate or misuse something intended for good to achieve my desired outcome?
Based on my answers, my prayer and conversation with God take on a different focus. For instance, if I realize I am not seeing through God’s eyes, or acting self-servingly, I can focus my reflection on understanding why I am acting this way or what I am trying to avoid. As I continue my prayer and read Scripture or other sacred texts, I begin to hear God leading me toward His ways.
Where do you place your flowers? It’s easy to see that we have a choice. My hope for you is that you take the quiet time needed to assess your intentions and actions so that you may more readily recognize the Christ in others—and nurture it as we are called to be the light of Christ in the world.
As you discover your tendencies, consider bringing your insights to a Spiritual Director, who can listen, appreciate the path you are navigating and perhaps offer guidance to help you along the way.
